ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
