If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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