Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
