Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
