drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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