Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
