i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
