I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
