she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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