I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
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I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
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I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
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