i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
