We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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