She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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