flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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