Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
