Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
