im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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