smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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