Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
