I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Randomize
