i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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