Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
