Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
