I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
