his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Sorry my hands just texted you
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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