I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
