it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
