Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
