sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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