guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just found puke in my bra..
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Randomize
