This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Congratulations! We have a period
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
