the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
