Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Someone signed my nipple.
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