you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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