Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
