I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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