So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
