Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
