Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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