Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
