Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
