Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
