After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
