God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i think i just lost a toe
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