so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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