Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
