Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.