Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours