Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.