ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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