party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
This is my gift to your gina
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.