I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
