I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Can I color on your dick again?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.