I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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