You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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