you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
