you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
