i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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