I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
