This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
