So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I smell like Dick and happiness
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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