I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
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i cant cry in cvs. not again.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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