I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
