i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
