i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
