I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
