I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
