i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
