This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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