cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.