the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend