We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.