Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.

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(831): View more from California

I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.

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(914): View more from New York

im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(205): View more from Alabama

he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...

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(817): View more from Texas

It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.

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(614): View more from Ohio

You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.

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(512): View more from Texas

I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.

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(951): View more from California

I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.

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