his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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