He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
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I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
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My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.