just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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