Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.