32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
make that 40.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?