my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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