he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
