I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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