i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We had to coat check the pizza.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
