I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
