The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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