I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
