don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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