My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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