i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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