You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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