I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
