I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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