I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
