The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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