Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
how drunk are you?
Several
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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