i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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