When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
