My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
