Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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